Old Habits !

Old habits tend to die, so let there be whisky for me, because I need to write and I can't do it without it nowadays !

Please check my tumblr http://siivetdemigod.tumblr.com/ , I'll start posting things there, still don't know what will I do with this blog !

Fading !

Ups and downs, I really hate it, seriously !

I seriously hate being down when I should be happy, I have no idea on what is wrong with me most of the times, and then I ultimately tend to annoy the person I love, and that makes me even sadder.
I wished I had  an off switch and I would just shut-down, permanently, for it is a hard thing to live, and I'm getting tired of it  !

I've lost myself and I do not know who I am any-more.

Cold is the Past, and sometimes the present !

In the mood to write, mainly because I'm feeling weird, somewhat left aside, abandoned, old, meaningless !

The list goes on and on, and all I want are some words, but from a certain person, I know I'm kind of crazy, but, sometimes its all I need, and lately I am missing them, as so I miss myself for I usually find myself on those same words.

It's kind of funny, I spent so much time in my life dehumanizing myself, not caring, suppressing this inner me, and now that I have found warmth in the middle of all this cold, it seems that I cannot live without it.

Thus this leads me to the question , what am I doing here ?  It is as if there is no purpose, except for those small amounts of time where I feel that warmth , I am afraid I am losing all that I am as a human being, and no one will ever see it if they are not to read this.

All I want now, all this tired body wants is this warmth I have felt, the rest is just so cold, that if I am to slip and lose myself upon it, nothing will be the same !

no, yes, maybe !

Feeling depressed as fuck, I guess sometimes things catch up to you !

Tempestade !

O amor é um mar revolto, cheio de loucura e perdição, onde nada sabe melhor que naufragar e estar á beira do afundar da alma para num esforço final nadar para a superfície  como se não houvesse amanhã e respirar o tão desejado sentimento renovado.

Penso que só se vence a tempestade se a tivermos dentro de nós, e ela pede mais e mais, não nos deixando nunca sair da mesma,  não sei que seria de mim sem a mesma no fim de tudo.

Cada vez mais me perco nela é certo e cada vez mais me quero perder, na tempestade e na pessoa que a cria dentro de mim. Talvez um dia ponha aqui foto do sorriso que ela me dá e um gráfico com o batimento cardíaco depois de a ver no meio de uma multidão a aproximar-se de mim e a abraçar-me !

Leaving myself to rot !

Can´t sleep, so I decided to stand in front of the pc and stare at a somewhat special photo and a bottle of whisky, and no, I don't get drunk to forget, I actually get drunk to remember, and yes it is a weird thing, but sometimes you just have to feel like crap !

But the truth is that I don't want to feel like crap, I just wanted to be happy, and I want to be happy with the person in the photo, and that won't be happening any time soon, It is a karmic issue I guess, I have no idea, but the thing that bother me the most is her inability to see herself , and all the good in her.

This actually makes me feel like I failed somewhere, even though I probably didn't, then again what do I know of life, I guess nothing at all !

Shit, I'm not making any fucking sense, I'm just sad as fuck, my mind cannot comprehend such decisions, and the lack of vision of oneself, but I most respect them, some might say that is the ultimate form of love, when you let go , I might say that I agree, but its fucked up, and that's that.

What is there worthy enough to fight for in this world these days?

Quoting some lyrics from Queens of The Stone Age " I want something good to die for
To make it beautiful to live."  And I believe I found it, but she haven't found herself !

Thus my life gets torn apart, and I should have gotten used to it !

Destiny !

The more you appreciate something, the more you want it, the less you will have it, until it is lost forever !

I guess that is my destiny, to lose all that I love, and it tires me, I feel so exhausted !