terça-feira, 15 de agosto de 2017

fucking depressing mood.

Sometimes it just sneaks up on me, probably whenever I am at my best.

Maybe it just wants to drag me down, for the fun of it or because being down is where I should be, my natural state. There is a great weight on my shoulders, it makes me feel it, I have done nothing, I have nothing, no business in this world, it whispers in my ear.
I get lost on these thoughts, of being nothing, of no use, no purpose, and so I put on some music and I think on leaving, leaving to somewhere it doesn't exist, still I would like to leave.

You can stop whispering now, you are already in me, you are me and I can't escape you.

segunda-feira, 19 de junho de 2017

days and days

Days are at work, sometimes with friends, some old, but mainly some new, maybe in the midsts of all this overwhelming feeling of loneliness I might say I have been lucky to have met some nice, good people and showing them around, that does take my mind of myself  for a while.

Yet it seems that is has become exponentially harder to feel, I mean truly feel, mainly to feel appreciated, not by words but by deeds, actions.

I came to wonder on how have I left my mark in this world, is it enough, what more can I do, how will i be remembered?

People will have so much difficulty understanding this, the word and the deed, not thinking on the good, but living in the negative to create more, one might say happiness leaves a person dull, but it does give them so much more of a light hearted posture, but then again, we all have our purpose on this world and mine is set to be on the darker side I suppose.

The end will tell how I fared.

segunda-feira, 1 de maio de 2017

One good day, two bad days

Great day, meeting with my norwegian bro and friends, I must say I have great friends, still after a couple of drinks and giggles, I hit home.

There is this huge feeling when I lay down in top of the bed, as if my body got lighter , mainly because my soul got heavier and emptier , I feel very conflicted with my own existence every time I look inside myself after these brief moments.
The loneliness that I feel is overwhelming to say the least
Not sure of who I am in this world.

terça-feira, 25 de abril de 2017

Ramblings !

Um dia de alegria são dois ou três de tristeza profunda, alienação, sentimento de desnorte, falta de utilidade.
Corre talvez nestas veias algo de estranho que não consigo precisar com exactidão o que seja que me mete neste estado, sinto-me como num filme e começo a não entender se isto é a realidade ou a realidade é quando estou alegre. As coisas que me distraiam são agora um aborrecimento, fica mais difícil de esconder os meus olhos dos poucos que realmente olham para eles.
Sou um ser fragmentado, penso que me quero perder em mim mesmo e na solidão que sinto dentro de mim num momento e no outro anseio por uma lufada de ar fresco e companhia.

Ser isto que sou, seja eu o que seja, torna-se um peso demasiado grande para algo tão pequeno quanto a minha humanidade o é.

terça-feira, 28 de março de 2017


I guess, it's depression time again, things start to get heavier in my mind. There is huge sense of lack of purpose, nothing I do seems to have meaning, so I just sit and listen to music, which might not help, then again, it tends to take me to this world so far away from my body that numbs my persona.

Sorry for not writing nothing decent, but I'm trying to keep away form whiskey when I get like this.

"A man with no purpose
A sea with no tides
burning roots beneath frozen moons
embracing the cold
embracing the world"
- Siivet

P.S. Enjoy the music

quinta-feira, 4 de fevereiro de 2016


Its kind of funny, that , sometimes I need to say I read something and just reposted it , because if I said I wrote it people wouldn't believe it.

In a way I guess the first part of my plan worked, barely no one knows me, actually sees my skills or knows what I am able to do, thus it's time for part two.

"In a world of light and darkness, the shadows are rulers of all"

quarta-feira, 4 de novembro de 2015

Small update !

Finally trying hard to get a musical project to life, also still very lost from times to times, I guess some smiles leave bigger holes than others.