Lost in a world of Light !

It is a hard thing not to drink when you feel yourself stuck between hope and despair, the brain wont shut down, and you know drinking will make it stop, eventually.

The other option would be to call someone, but I said I wouldn't bother, and probably it is for the best not to do it, regardless of how shitty I feel !

Uncertainty takes over, and it is so weird to deal with it, so I write and I write, but words without actions are so empty, and maybe I should start taking some actions, but to which direction I do not know !

My mind is cloudy, my body starts to show signs of wear, I am slowly slipping away to an unknown place.

The waiting is a crossroad, hope on the right or doom on the left ? Ironically sometimes I feel like I am the one making this question more than other people should do to themselves.

I need a drink and your hand on my chest !

I hate myself for being like this why can't I be like those other guys that dont give a fuck for anything and just step on other peoples life?

This feeling of having no purpose, that my time has come increases rapidly from day to day, and I say Im OK to so many people and Im not, and I smile and make jokes, and in my head I tell my heart to keep quiet, no one must know, even if they do know , what could they do?

I feel so tired.
I need to feel the ocean in my body, I need it to take me away from my heart and my mind, to leave my soul to those who might want it !

I became a Shadow !

Remains !

I need to write on paper, mainly because I can feel it !

Old Habits !

Old habits tend to die, so let there be whisky for me, because I need to write and I can't do it without it nowadays !

Please check my tumblr http://siivetdemigod.tumblr.com/ , I'll start posting things there, still don't know what will I do with this blog !

Fading !

Ups and downs, I really hate it, seriously !

I seriously hate being down when I should be happy, I have no idea on what is wrong with me most of the times, and then I ultimately tend to annoy the person I love, and that makes me even sadder.
I wished I had  an off switch and I would just shut-down, permanently, for it is a hard thing to live, and I'm getting tired of it  !

I've lost myself and I do not know who I am any-more.

Cold is the Past, and sometimes the present !

In the mood to write, mainly because I'm feeling weird, somewhat left aside, abandoned, old, meaningless !

The list goes on and on, and all I want are some words, but from a certain person, I know I'm kind of crazy, but, sometimes its all I need, and lately I am missing them, as so I miss myself for I usually find myself on those same words.

It's kind of funny, I spent so much time in my life dehumanizing myself, not caring, suppressing this inner me, and now that I have found warmth in the middle of all this cold, it seems that I cannot live without it.

Thus this leads me to the question , what am I doing here ?  It is as if there is no purpose, except for those small amounts of time where I feel that warmth , I am afraid I am losing all that I am as a human being, and no one will ever see it if they are not to read this.

All I want now, all this tired body wants is this warmth I have felt, the rest is just so cold, that if I am to slip and lose myself upon it, nothing will be the same !