Vazio !

Habita em mim um estranho vazio, um vazio que me foi posto, e faça o que faça, não quer deixar de existir, é tão estranho como um vazio, o nada, ocupa tanto !

A letter !

Dear Heart,
In 31 years of life, I have had a bullet almost killing me, got stabbed twice, had a broken rib and teeth and almost died to high  pitch fevers and nothing, nothing compares to the pain you give me.
Everyday I do my best, I help others, I try to be friendly, I try to be a better man despite all the pain, and yet you just keep remembering me of those who died and left me with this longing feeling, and those who broke you and left me empty .

I love you, but I hate you !
Yours truly
Siivet.

Signs !

That moment you are taking a nap, and suddenly you wake up with the feeling that you were drowning  !
Somehow I can’t stop feeling some bad shit happened and this is just a sign !

Thinking about things !

1- why do people say that you need to know yourself ? If you don't know yourself at age 25 at least, I don't know what the hell you have been doing in life, you are born, you know what you do, your likes and dislikes, you can improve yourself knowing this, so...I think people know themselves, they are just afraid to act decently when they know others !

2- Putting people on the same basket as those that hurt you, thus creating the idea that one is equal to all the others, this is a load of crap, I mean really, if people hurt you, tell them to fuck off, but do not say that all men/women are the same, that shit is annoying, and if you keep surrounding yourself with shitty people don't expect improvement, open your eyes and change it !

3- Don´t hurt people that love/like you, go hurt people that don't like and hurt you they deserve it, not those who care !

Be a better person, don't be a cunt !

Ramblings and gratitude, 31 years of life !

Just turned 31, had a nice day with my friends and soon some more on my dinner party, I should be happier though.

But what costs the most is to be alone, not that I do not know how to be alone, I see this matter in a different perspective, my will to share myself is too big I guess, to share my knowledge, to share my thoughts, ideas, my love, to be surrounded by my equals, by my kin, and in this I see myself with lack of purpose.
Why am I to have such a long life ahead, if I see this world so inhumane, so cold, people forgetting about others, so much hurt for all the wrong reasons.
People seem to not really want improvement, just the idea, the concept of it, they fear the past, they fear and they hurt, like a scared dog.

The weight of the word, its value, the actions that should follow, all of it seems to be so worthless nowadays, should it not be the opposite, should we not value this more?

31 years have past, I have lost family and friends, some I have seen die in front of me, others I did not had the chance to bid my farewell, yet they are the one's I'm more grateful to, they have taught me to be what I am today, maybe that is why lately people started saying that I am a good man, much like they were.

Unfortunately everything has a price, I guess mine is to feel alone, my hopes are that one day I also can teach and give all that I have to someone, so that I can leave this world and join my kin.

Some of you know me, most don't, barely no one knows my past, nevertheless I am tankful for you all that are friends, 31 more years will come, and one day I must repay your patience towards me, my angst, my everything, some more than others. To the lack of kin, you are the closest thing I have of it, and believe me when I say, that I would gladly give my life for you, for that is how things should be done, I cherish you all my friends, It is a pleasure to have your friendship.

Thank you !

Yours Truly

Paulo Cardoso, aka Siivet, aka Harald Kveldulf Njordson, son of the northern sea, Demigod of shadows !