Just turned 31, had a nice day with my friends and soon some more on my dinner party, I should be happier though.
But what costs the most is to be alone, not that I do not know how to be alone, I see this matter in a different perspective, my will to share myself is too big I guess, to share my knowledge, to share my thoughts, ideas, my love, to be surrounded by my equals, by my kin, and in this I see myself with lack of purpose.
Why am I to have such a long life ahead, if I see this world so inhumane, so cold, people forgetting about others, so much hurt for all the wrong reasons.
People seem to not really want improvement, just the idea, the concept of it, they fear the past, they fear and they hurt, like a scared dog.
The weight of the word, its value, the actions that should follow, all of it seems to be so worthless nowadays, should it not be the opposite, should we not value this more?
31 years have past, I have lost family and friends, some I have seen die in front of me, others I did not had the chance to bid my farewell, yet they are the one's I'm more grateful to, they have taught me to be what I am today, maybe that is why lately people started saying that I am a good man, much like they were.
Unfortunately everything has a price, I guess mine is to feel alone, my hopes are that one day I also can teach and give all that I have to someone, so that I can leave this world and join my kin.
Some of you know me, most don't, barely no one knows my past, nevertheless I am tankful for you all that are friends, 31 more years will come, and one day I must repay your patience towards me, my angst, my everything, some more than others. To the lack of kin, you are the closest thing I have of it, and believe me when I say, that I would gladly give my life for you, for that is how things should be done, I cherish you all my friends, It is a pleasure to have your friendship.
Thank you !
Paulo Cardoso, aka Siivet, aka Harald Kveldulf Njordson, son of the northern sea, Demigod of shadows !