Changing Natures !

Some things just hurt, I mean it, specially when they break a part of you, and you just can't understand why !

It is as if the one that broke that part of you actually never felt nothing, mainly because you are mourning for it and they are not, and it is in these moments that I would give my soul to be as I was years ago and I wouldn't be feeling shit either.

There is a huge mix of liking my most recent me, and wanting to rescue the old one, that same old me that hold on to the concept that we only learn by suffering, and he was right we do, but it would be much less harder to learn with my options than from other people's options.


My most recent me though, seems to be more forgiving, I would even risk saying more compassionate, which in turn ends up just making me feel worse I suppose, because it is a change on my nature !

Strangely I can't stop admiring  how such options can demoralize a person, words that can make your body hurt and your mind to revolve on a never ending spiral of doubt and woe.


Even on their words humans are true to their nature, I wonder when will they ever change it !?

Sós !

A vida é estranha, mas acabamos sempre a deitar na cama que fazemos, é um facto comprovado .

E aparentemente tal facto comprovou-se comigo também, não que não o mereça, porque mereço e tenho total noção disso apenas acho que não o merecia depois de ir contra princípios meus para ser um pouco mais feliz. Mas e dai talvez não me esteja no destino ser feliz, talvez, e apenas só me esteja destinado a sensação de o ser .

Pior ainda que a sensação de ser feliz, seja a sensação de se amar ou de se ser amado, acima de tudo porque baixamos as nossas defesas, e, que somos nós sem elas ? Que somos nós senão seres sofredores, carentes, insaciáveis crentes a procurar adoração de outro igual a nós, a verdadeira pergunta nisto tudo será onde anda esse igual ?

Esse que vai contra as suas regras, que queira mais que uma sensação de ser feliz, que baixe as suas defesas , que sofra, peça por algo e seja tão crente em nós quanto nós neles !

Talvez não ande, talvez já tenha andado, talvez nunca venha a andar por onde nos andamos, e nada mais podemos nós fazer senão seguir o nosso caminho tal como viemos ao mundo e como dele sairemos, sós !

Death, greatness and immortality !

Some people may argue that the stars and the heavens above are the ultimate quest for mankind, I couldn't disagree more !
Nothing haunts the soul of a man greater than its own life, or the end of it, what lays there, after that last breath, after the spark in your eyes ceases to exist.
I have dedicated some time pondering such question, mainly due to have been so close to death so many times, and, like any other man, I to this day have reached no conclusion, it is a one way trip and it is not yet my time to take it. Thus I can only think on how shall I go on this last journey, most people want it to be in their sleep, but I think that such departure is very much unworthy of a person, no great man has ever died silently, so why should I ?

But you may be asking yourselves, what makes a man great ?
That, my dear readers, is in my opinion the easiest task ever, look around you it is as simple as that !

The one single man that in my life has proven that someone is great just by looking around himself was my grandfather, he had that kind of aura that only some people have, he was a fire-fighter all is life since he was 11 until is death, got to be chief, lead men and women to fight fires, risked his own life several times, and was distinguished for it, got  streets named after him, and while doing this he was also a welder and a nurse, and refused to be the goalkeeper of a major football club when he was younger so he could dedicate himself to save other peoples life's , and this is what makes a man great, not the medals, or the streets with your name, its the admiration of others and the memories that will always be on the people that where touched by such persons, this my friends is immortality itself !

And this is what I want the most, a glorious death and immortality , what comes after is meaningless compared to how you obtain such things !

Wrong turns lead to right destiny's

So, after being sick and with fever (and let us just say me and fever we don't get along, went two times to a ice bath due to it and a third time I got 45º in the middle of nowhere aka my fathers village, maybe I got brain damage from it and that is why I am like I am, who knows?), time comes for recovery, not only of the body and the mind, but maybe of the soul and definitely of the time lost away from the person I love.

Maybe I got sick as lesson for a mistake I almost done recently, on the other hand I also done something for the first time in my life due to the same event, and I must say I would be a jackass if I would have did what I always do, I'm pretty happy with the final decision/outcome, and I most definitely feel that I am with the right person.

I might even say I have found my Priestess Of Mars !

Paths and Fear !

"The problem of running away from something is that you create another path with its own set of problems, therefore one day you will have not one, but two sets of problems presented to you, for they have a tendency to catch up to us eventually.

You might see them as giants, unbeatable foes in a phase of your life you feel that you wont be able to take them head on, but what is it that makes us ready to go toe to toe with such things?
The only answer it the things themselves, look at us, we learn with error,trying and failing, in such way we learn and forge our own selves, we make the very fabric that makes us who we are.

So, go at them, know that no man ever faced their adversities without fear, by the contrary, it was fear and the will to end the source of such that drove them. They cried, they bled , they did wrong before they did right, and, at the very end they emerged glorious.

No one is ever the same after such battle, the scars remind you of that, also they will  remind you that you are now more than you ever were" - Tales of the Wanderer in the fog !

Strangeness

A strange feeling shadows down on me, a shadow upon a shadow !

What is  not strange is the probability of said shadow to be full of ill intentions, where is light when you need it ?

Notification !

Sorry for not updating in a long time, but I fell in love and I'm pretty much focused on it ;) , so all writings are off until I feel more like in to it !